It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
