I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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