I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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