69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
