Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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