Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
