Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
