So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
