its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You ate ashes out of my bong
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
