Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
