i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
