How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
