My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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