with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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