The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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