i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
