DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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