my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
