Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
