my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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