I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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