the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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