Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
