Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
