The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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