I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize