coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
