watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
