Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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