We're like a lot better than the average bears
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
