So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
