Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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