I think my fart just growled at me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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