how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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