I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
nutella sex= disaster
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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