I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
