It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
