where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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