We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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