Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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