Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
