Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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