Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
