I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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