While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
