So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
