About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
