a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize