so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I AM VODKA MAN
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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