Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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