yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize