Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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