If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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