News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
