I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
