How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
