i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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