Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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