She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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