i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I look better un-naked...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
