Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize