Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
