If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
