if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
