It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
