I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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