I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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