I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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