CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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