My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
