I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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