DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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