im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
