my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
